Re: so he got her pregnant, now what?
 

Bro u forgot one very important thing here.
Birds of a feather, flock together!
So just bcos she got preggers, it is really totally the dude to blame??????
Takes 2 hands to clap.
She aint a minor no more, so she cant be that naive tiobo???

Re: so he got her pregnant, now what?
 

true heard more failure than sucess rate sadly

Re: so he got her pregnant, now what?
 

i cant make her stop contacting the guy immediately. it takes time for her to completely forget that guy. perhaps can get her preoccupied with other stuffs so that she wont have time to meet him and gradually make them drift apart.

i agree. it takes 2 hands to clap and if she doesnt want to have sex with him, he cant force her to. when asked why didnt she ask him to use a condom, her reply was that she didnt know it will be so 'zhun'. just one try and bingo.

no one in the family agrees to her having a shotgun marriage. like what you all have said, a shotgun marriage usually wont last. even a marriage made out of love will end up ugly too, like my parents'. her parents talked of sending her overseas for studies once she finishes her secondary education. but i think sending her overseas is much worse. later she comes back with a baby.

Re: so he got her pregnant, now what?
 

When a person is deemed incapable of taking care of himself/herself, you can actually measure these 2 things to determine the future outcome for this person:

1. How the person react when shit happens
2. How concerned parties react when shit happens to the person

lovetorn, are you more worried for your cousin than herself? If concerned parties react stronger than the actual person, he/she won't learn from the incident and everything remains en-route on the same path. In other words, nothing's changed. In fact, she will become irritated at being judged, ordered, restricted, reprimanded, etc and slowly distance from you and her family.

Everybody needs to learn from their own lesson. A NORMAL person will be able to take the lesson and change their life course to avoid further occurence. Some people aren't able to do so. You can actually see that they will soon repeat the very same mistake, right before your eyes. But of cos, the person will refuse to admit.

How to help these people? Hands off. Tell her it is her responsibility, you are only an advisor. Tell her whatever she needs to know to take the responsibilities, nothing else. Then let her come to you if she needs more. Give her 'tools' to see the real face of the bf, let her see whether he can take responsibilities for his own life, much less for hers. At the end of the day, you do not want to stay by her 24/7, so you better teach her to do that for herself.

Re: so he got her pregnant, now what?
 

hmmm.... mine's shotgun marriage..... hope it will last unusually........ :p

Re: so he got her pregnant, now what?
 

i understand. no matter how much we want to help her, if she doesnt want to help herself, then whatever we say/do will be in vain. she did express remorse that she had unprotected sex but as to the pregnant thing, she didnt say much. i dont know what she's thinking. though i really hope that she wont repeat the same mistake and that she learns to protect herself. because she and i are not living together, as in not in sgp together, and i dont usually talk to her on the phone. we only see each other during the festive seasons when i will go back. once we meet, we will be blabbering about everything; etc relationships, life, ups and downs. in the family, i am the only one that clicks really well with her and so my relatives hope that when i go back, i can talk to her and advise her to concentrate on her studies. eventhough i am not that good myself, i hope i can talk her through. :)

wish you luck to your marriage. :)

Re: so he got her pregnant, now what?
 

Then I guess you've got to be realistic in the amount of help you can offer. Worst case scenario is every one of your relative thinks you are the mentor then if she repeats her mistake again, you get all the collateral blame. Your cousin din grow up overnight, most of the mistakes we make has to do with our upbringing (when young) and experience (when we get older). Responsibility still lies with herself and her parents. Right now if her bf is the person giving her the greatest influence, she will still crawl back to him after the abortion. The only thing she learnt is to buy condoms.

So in this light, you got to mark a realistic scope for yourself. Once you over stretch yourself, you'll let it affect you. As relative yes we should help. But we must be strong and available to be able to help. Otherwise if we help halfway then give up, to her it is like a betrayal. It'll be even worse to get her back in line from that point onwards.

Re: so he got her pregnant, now what?
 

The lady is too young to understand what marriage is all about and the guy isnt really the mature and responsible type. The birth of the child will bring more trouble to society when he/she does not have the proper parent to nurture them

Re: so he got her pregnant, now what?
 

From what i have seen, u have tried to find ways to help out, excuses for her and even solutions, thats the most u can do, now u can only wait for the result which only can be deem by her action.

Re: so he got her pregnant, now what?
 

Whether shotgun blues or not, if there is problem, and is not resolved,
a marriage will be broken. Just to urge all those who wanna get married
to think carefully, its a lot of fxxxing committing... Opps... Not sex I meant.

Anyway, hope she grows up eventually, at times abortion may seems evil
thing to do, my wifey had an abortion too. Til today, I felt remorse over the
unborn child.

But, lifes goes on... :o

Re: so he got her pregnant, now what?
 

i dont know how she's feeling emotionally about the abortion. well, she changed her handphone number and said that she wont contact the guy again. i hope she can stick to her words.

when something happens to her, my relatives are like hoping i can talk to her, try to understand what is going on then later they will bomb me with questions. it's like they see me as her role model or something.

things are better now. the very next day after her abortion, she actually rode a motorbike to school on her own, to get ready for her new school year. i was quite surprised that she can actually have the energy. now she's back in school and i think she stopped all contact with the guy. hope she can remember that raw sex is very dangerous.

Re: so he got her pregnant, now what?
 

can see u doing wat u can as a "big sista" to help n advice her... as to wat she really wanna change or continue in her old ways... its up to her liao.. whether she has learnt from wat happened n not repeat the same mistake.

Re: so he got her pregnant, now what?
 

the girl and boy both still not mature enuff.

if marry for kid, sure end up lots of quarrel and eventually divorce.

maybe la.

unless lots of love and support from family and friends.

Re: so he got her pregnant, now what?
 

Among your aunties, you are probably deemed as the only choice. So now that she is better, I believe you should hurry up do the 'handover' of the supervising duty back to them. Tell them you have done your best, she is like this like that now, so now its up to you seniors to hold the leash. But of cos, you still be friend with her as she is still more open to you. End of the day, like you say raw sex is dangerous, but immaturity is fatal. Take care;)

Re: so he got her pregnant, now what?
 

Trust me, she WILL contact the guy. She loves him much more than what you think. Remember she gives in to him voluntarily, even to the extend of not protecting herself.

That to me is a lie. She's just trying to give an acceptable excuse.

Sorry bro lovetorn, forgive my bluntness.

Whatever it is, it is a lose lose situation. Just hope that your cousin make the decision that minimises the suffering at a later stage.