Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

Sure! I added you and sent you the link to join. Pls check.

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

You can pay for everything, but alas, you can't buy love. Feel your pain there.

Your ex sounds like a real piece of work. I hope you are not shafted by the WC when you got divorced.

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

fully agree bro, remember someone said before dont forget to bring rope when meeting woman something like that.

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

i ever heard someone says marriage is like a public toilet. those desperate or time to go wants to go in. while some will feel that inside is smelly and wants to come out.

i won't say all are like that, but it is the personal decision that made the situation. regardless, if one has tried his/her best but still cannot get the relationship and sex going. there is no regrets if things did not went well ending in divorce.

i'm in my late 30's and i do find my era relationship more loyal and firm compare to now. whereby ladies and guys can know each other easily and can do anything they want as long as wont get caught. if one would have found the right one then yes please be loyal, else trash it. in theory, you may not be the only guy in her life that bang her.

so personally, if really crave then GL lor. why restrict yourself? just make sure you don't smell too good when going home. lol

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

Hi, just found this thread. Was looking for some forum as well to share my 'misery'... I've never spoken to anyone before. My wife and I are married for more than 15 years, 2 kids and stable careers. Generally, things look perfect from the outside, happy couple, nice family etc... but on the inside, I feel we are slowly drifting apart, at least I feel that way. My wife is not interested in sex. She has low sex drive and feels that doing it is a chore. Me on the other hand, has a high sex drive. When we were courting, sex was pretty normal. First year of marriage, it started to slow down a bit because we were concentrating on our careers. My 1st child was born on the 3rd year. After that, it went downhill. We would not have sex for months... and usually when I initiate, there will be tons of excuses. Then I was caught cheating... long story short, somehow we got back together and my 2nd child was born. But the sex problem remains... sigh. The last time we made love was more than 4 months ago. I have been asking almost once every week but was turn down all the time till a point that I don't bother to ask for fear of rejection. To release my frustration, I masturbated also every other day watching porn, but nothing beats the feeling of making love to a real person. Sometimes I feel that I might go into depression. I did speak to her about it but she said that she just isn't interested in sex. We are both in our early 40s and to me sex is very important, a life pleasure....

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

Agree with you. As one WOMAN relative says some Singaporean wives are now just money faced!!! There was this relative who worked hard supported the family and household almost whole life with the best of everything ,5Cs best tuition and just because now earning less than her because of ageism and difficulty finding permanent job,, she withdraws sex and turn the children against him, saying the father is not a good role model because she is now paying all the household expenses (not true because he is either footing university fees or condo maintenance fees). As a result, all do not speak to him anymore.She even said once the condo is sold, she wants to split up.

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

When was the last time you dated your wife....as in ditch the kids, dress up nicely, eat a romantic candle light dinner at a fancy restaurant, go for a movie/clubbing and then serenade her with words in a park while watching the stars?

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

Once a while we do that actually. But not often as she is always busy. The last time was our anniversary late last year. But still didn’t put her in the mood:-(
Think it’s not that I don’t do romantic things. But she just has low sex drive. The last sex session was I guess she felt obligated after I asked her for weeks. And when we do have sex, I make sure she came at least twice. She just doesn’t long for it but if we did it she enjoys it as well. So I’m really puzzled.

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

My friend, it seems to me you are glossing over a very important part of the mating ritual. As the cliché goes, A man falls in love through his eyes (like you needing to watch porn) and a woman through her ears. A date on your anniversary only is hardly stuffs of romance! I will be ashamed if I was doing that and still claim to be "doing romantic things". Its like your wife gifting you a birthday cake on your 40th birthday and in doing so, claim she is a wonderful wife. Something feels wrong, am I right? Because there is already an in-built expectation for such big occasions.

Consider this. When was the last time, for no reason or without expecting sex in return, you brought her to the beach to just gaze at the waves rushing up the shore? Sit there for hours to watch the sunset and pop a bottle of champagne/wine to soak in the moment.

What were your conversation topics like since you claim to have dated your wife romantically? Because I am pretty sure you glossed over the "serenading your wife" part too. Were your topics on which condo to buy next, the 3 ways to invest our money or the 5 steps to succeed in our careers?

Did you whisper sweet nothings into her ears like, Thank you darling for the 2 lovely kids you have given me and thank you for helping me finance this family too. Not many women can do both. You have given me joy indescribable - I could not have asked for a better wife. Or was it, Hey, can you look up which tuition centre for Ethan to go to, this year got PSLE, his Maths can barely pass!

If your environment and topics were on point, I fail to see how she was not "put in the mood". Something is wrong with your execution. Panadol is the cure to headaches. Similiarly, sweet words to women. When your headache persists, the answer is not to avoid panadols. The answer is to take MORE panadols or take Panadol Extras. So check your topics, check your persona, check your methods. Not lament about your wife not responding and cease dating her.

I get the impression too that you expect sex after doing all the above. Women hate sex being transactional. Treat me nice for sex only right?

Keep on serenading your wife without expectations. THEN, at the right time, you can talk to her about your need for sex. Once that is in place, you can date her weekly (I do) and sex can ensue weekly. Because I find it absolutely abhorrent for one to pull down his pants, pull out his dick and say: Woman, as my wife, it is your duty to suck my dick, so please do your job. And this is the "talk" I had with my wife.

She being "always busy" is telling of how interesting you are as a person and where you stand in her list of priorities. You might have to re-examine your persona, your attractiveness, her workload and family chores - are they dulling her libido - and how you can get more of her attention.

It is not wrong that she has Sex with you out of "obligation". It has to be! Bec more often than not, women have lower libidos. So there must be times that they do it solely to pleasure their husbands. The real question you should be asking is WHY is she not keen to pleasure you?? I submit to you that you may have forgotten how to woo your wife.

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

[QUOTE=MoeLanYong;17020578]My friend, it seems to me you are glossing over a very important part of the mating ritual. As the cliché goes, A man falls in love through his eyes (like you needing to watch porn) and a woman through her ears. A date on your anniversary only is hardly stuffs of romance! I will be ashamed if I was doing that and still claim to be "doing romantic things". Its like your wife gifting you a birthday cake on your 40th birthday and in doing so, claim she is a wonderful wife. Something feels wrong, am I right? Because there is already an in-built expectation for such big occasions.

Consider this. When was the last time, for no reason or without expecting sex in return, you brought her to the beach to just gaze at the waves rushing up the shore? Sit there for hours to watch the sunset and pop a bottle of champagne/wine to soak in the moment.

What were your conversation topics like since you claim to have dated your wife romantically? Because I am pretty sure you glossed over the "serenading your wife" part too. Were your topics on which condo to buy next, the 3 ways to invest our money or the 5 steps to succeed in our careers?

Did you whisper sweet nothings into her ears like, Thank you darling for the 2 lovely kids you have given me and thank you for helping me finance this family too. Not many women can do both. You have given me joy indescribable - I could not have asked for a better wife. Or was it, Hey, can you look up which tuition centre for Ethan to go to, this year got PSLE, his Maths can barely pass!

If your environment and topics were on point, I fail to see how she was not "put in the mood". Something is wrong with your execution. Panadol is the cure to headaches. Similiarly, sweet words to women. When your headache persists, the answer is not to avoid panadols. The answer is to take MORE panadols or take Panadol Extras. So check your topics, check your persona, check your methods. Not lament about your wife not responding and cease dating her.

I get the impression too that you expect sex after doing all the above. Women hate sex being transactional. Treat me nice for sex only right?

Keep on serenading your wife without expectations. THEN, at the right time, you can talk to her about your need for sex. Once that is in place, you can date her weekly (I do) and sex can ensue weekly. Because I find it absolutely abhorrent for one to pull down his pants, pull out his dick and say: Woman, as my wife, it is your duty to suck my dick, so please do your job. And this is the "talk" I had with my wife.

She being "always busy" is telling of how interesting you are as a person and where you stand in her list of priorities. You might have to re-examine your persona, your attractiveness, her workload and family chores - are they dulling her libido - and how you can get more of her attention.

It is not wrong that she has Sex with you out of "obligation". It has to be! Bec more often than not, women have lower libidos. So there must be times that they do it solely to pleasure their husbands. The real question you should be asking is WHY is she not keen to pleasure you?? I submit to you that you may have forgotten how to woo your wife.[/QUOTE


There is truth in what you said. Appreciate! I have not forgotten how to woo my wife and doing nice things are never enough. Btw I’m actually doing most of the chores and running the kids life, homework and also doing my work. She is busy running her own biz. I tot I can free up her time by taking on these chores. Think I treat her well not because of sex. It’s because I love her. But sex is a big part of marriage, no?

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

Of course it is. Huge part. I opined you may have forgotten how to woo your wife bec you wrote "when you and her were courting, sex was pretty normal". How is it you managed to get inside her skirt then but not now?? What has changed? Libido is supposed to be a constant in-built thingy so, ceteris paribus, the only reasonable conclusion is - you may have forgotten how to get inside her skirt. Not her low libido. Else why normal sex back then and not now? Have a think.

As for chores, doing her share of it is nowhere near romantic (to her) but I get your point. I do the same too. I have more kids than you. Know all my kids' sizes, buy all their clothes, school books and uniforms, bring them go tuition, coach them homework & 听写, and manage the maid and household matters. All done in addition to my own work. So that my wife is free from all these hassles. Hardly stuff of romance. But I do make it a point to remind my wife subtlely that a reciprocal relationship is needed for the quid pro quo to continue. Hence, we date weekly, and have sex after our dates. I find a weekly routine for sex works better than a random request for sex - both parties are prepared mentally and no one will get rejected/hurt. You may want to consider adopting it.

It should be your own discretion whether you think you serenaded your wife sufficiently. I don't think you did but Good for you if you think you did.

It will not hurt to brag about your effort on the kids to your wife. Push all the chores back to her to remind her of her duties. If she does it effortlessly, your so called "contribution into the kids" was minimal or non existent. Else, she should be reminded to return the favour on the bed.

It does appear your wife is preoccupied with work. You may want to decide whether her financial contribution is worth the sacrifice in bedroom activities. Not happy, promote her to be a full time housewife and have a humping good time.

Well, my friend, you are the one not getting sex. Not me. I am just sharing my observation. You decide what to make of it. Remember to keep working on it with your wife. Not with other women like you did in the past. Marriage is hard work. But it is worth it when you see your kids grow up in a good home. We Sg men need no reminders of the workings of the WC. Good luck sorting it out :)

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

WOMEN’S CHARTER (CHAPTER 353)

69.—(4) The court, when ordering maintenance for a wife......shall have regard to all the circumstances of the case including the following matters:.........

(f) the standard of living enjoyed —
(i) by the wife before her husband neglected or refused to provide easonable maintenance for her;

Meaning is that you have to give your former wife the same standard of living she enjoyed during marriage-even if she commit
adultery/abandon the family ect2.

Ironically it means the higher the standard of living you provide for her, the more you have to pay for her maintenance after divorce.
Moral of the story-do not over indulge your wife as it may come back to haunt you.

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

And no mention of maintaining the standard of living for the husband after divorce huh. In other word, only the lifestyle of the wife matters but not the husband. Such double standard in these days where women could be earning more than the man.

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

Add me. My wechat ID is Speedmaster123.

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

Ok added you on Wechat. Pls check.

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

Can add me too? fivelement

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

I have added you on wechat. Pls check.

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

Please add me: Jtwl0222
Thanks.

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

Now i welcome myself to this club. I just got separated after 16 years of marriage. Now at age 49+ being single again.:D

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

hey man! welcome! was it not salvageable?

Imagine in a room when she is teaching your kid and u ask her how is his progress, she ignores you even after you repeated your question the 3rd time...feel like giving her a tight slap.

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

Are you ok? After work, I teach my kid. She goes zumba. When she is back, she asks me How's his progress. So, I give her the full executive report. You so good deal still want to complain?? So easy, why don't you teach?

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

I know the feeling. my wife knows nothing about me. she doesn't know where I go, what I do, problems I have.

tried years ago talking to her, I do love to communicate, but it was always talking to myself and her not listening. So I stopped.

If anyone thinks that a FB or Gf or third party will solve the issue, it wouldn't. You will be in the same shit again.

Something about women once they condition themselves, to have that response towards a person, they hardly if even go back. Self reflection and change in marriage or relationship is not their strong suit

was watching some old videos, that back in the day, the older women wouldn't let the younger daughter in laws, eat full, sit down, kept them busy, hardworking, busy. I wonder why they made younger women go through so much hardship. Of course, we are not in that age anymore, and as a china PRC said to me, women used to do everything, men were the king, now women want everything and men become the slave.

20 years ago women said they are incredible, they multi-task. They can hold down full time jobs, take care of the house, take care of the family, take care of their man. And yes, there was a time it was so.

Most women today cant cook cant clean, have strong opinions, they don't take care of their men. Men on the other hand can cook, clean, take care of themselves, but have allowed the lady so much room and respect, that its no longer 50/50. I believe men only have 20-30% of the say these days, if any.

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

Added you on Wechat. Pls check :-)

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

Well said bro! It's the similar experience of many guys I talked to, from as short as couple of years to 20 years married guys. SG women has transformed so much. We used to hear it's the hubby who neglect the wife, kids, and home, but that was long time ago. These days, most often than not you are listening to stories of guys who tried to communicate with the wife but getting a cold shoulder. The sparks gone, romance died, and passion evaporated into nothing. How time has evolved!

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

I did. we take turns.

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

HI Shadow Warrior,

You are right. I dont share with her anything nowadays. I used to share everything with her and vice versa. Nowadays, it is just quiet and nothing. SHe has problems she dont talk to me..i have problems i keep to myself.

It s shitty and i guess i will just stop. She told me she has been unhappy for the longest time and that we have different values in life. BUt when i ask for exmaples, she cannot give me. basically, she just want to have status quo. and for me to give her "space". in other words, keep my distance from her. And I am doing that now.

People think i have a good wife. she is good..still good to my mum n dad but not to me.

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

I am in the midst of a divorce. Pls add me.

Disillusioned99

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

totally understand, I started sharing my problems and many other bros started sharing too.

Realised I am not alone. And neither are you.

Heads up bro, focus on your own happiness, that means, what makes you happy, survive to the next day

I just heard one of my friends in his late 30s, have to rush back to Malaysia to settle the late affairs of his older brother just a few years older.

He was only recently married, but killed himself in depression, he was having problems in his marriage

to be honest, sometimes the other half(can be man or woman) can really push us into a corner and sometimes people just do things with no return e.g leslie cheung and many other famous people

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

already passed the salvageable zone.:o

Please also add me on wechat : Ice Lemon Tea

Re: Group for divorced/sexless marriage/singles
 

Please add me:
Id: jorditheboss
Thanks!!!