[omg3344]

i decided to pen this down as i dont have anyone to confide in. I have small if not non existent social circle. My family is not the typical happy family u seen in tv. I am in no contact with my relatives because of my family issue.

Technically speaking i am a loner. Everyday was like routine ; wake up, go to work and back home. I am renting a room outside because of my family situation.

I am have been chionging health centre and fl scene since 10 years ago. Few year back i would frequent the HC on avg 4 times a month...to kill my lonliness. i dont have hobby and frens. So that might consider my leisure.

Over the years...i have been in and out of relationships few times. Things dont work out for many reasons. Everytime i thought i have found a girl who can accept me and my family situation ...it failed.

The last relationship i had was with a china girl. She married to a singaporean but marriage had problem hence moved out. I cohabit with her for few months. In order to file a divorce, she need to cancel her ltvp and return to china. After she returned to china, problems surfaced between both of us and we separated. It was an heart wrenching period for me. I sunk into depression. Actually i had depression all along. But this episode just aggravate my condition. I did seek help few years back but didnt persist with the treatment.

My work wasnt smooth either. I am with a hypocrite boss who find opportunity to put me down. He is notorious in the organization for being a nasty and difficult person to work with, having 6 deputies changed during his 12 year`s period there. I am his seventh and i am coming to 2.5 years here.

I went to a mental down spiral. I visited fl again. Over a few encounters i even did not wear protection. I was scared but the thrill and the mental state i am in prevent me from thinking rationally. I had unprotected sex with 3 china fl and 2 viet fl during these period. This is on top of the other protected encounter that i had. I was scared. I told myself i should have a grip of myself if not noone can help me. If u ask me ...dont i worried about getting diseased. I am. But i just couldnt explain why i did all these.

Just as i thought that i had enough, certain incident that happen in the workplace trigger my depression again. I searched wechat for fun. End up knowing a viet fl who was on holiday. We went to drink and hotel followed after. Initially i wore protection. But i cannot finish the job. Hence i did the foolish thing of rawing her.

To think i will stop...it didnt.. it seems all hell break loose. I raw a china fl after going to club last week. I dont know what i have become. I feel i am a disgrace to my mom who had brought me up painstakingly working as a factory worker for so many years.

I am really at a lost now...