[leuor]

Originally Posted by Princessica

As mentioned yesterday, i came across this lady who is an escort and she shared her views through the blog. Thats this particular one, which i ponder for quite long.



Sometimes i wonder, do i overwork? To be honest, I'm human afterall. As times go by, by working almost everyday, i become numb. Like a robot doing routine job. Sometimes, i can't differentiate what's work and what's pleasure. Even with my partner, at times, i couldn't withdraw myself from work. I feel bad as he thought it his problem but it not. Problem lies on me. Alot going through my mind. Maybe i think too much. When i wif him, i feel dat i didn't do much. I will come out wif alot of excitement juz to please him and 1 of it, it ffm. I might not like the idea but i juz hope at least he feels happy abt it den facing me. I dunno wat i did is it worth. Or maybe doing too much, i will be taken for granted. Due to all these, i can admit, it add more stress to me, mentally. At times, i even withdrawn myself from meeting him. Why? Cos i dunno wat else to please him. Due to work, i kinda tired and numb to hv a gd time in sex for my own. I really dun wanna him to feel dat way. I rather not seeing him even though i miss him. Sound pathetic right? Sigh!

I'm leading a double life. 1, personality in work and another personality in real person. It like a split personality. In work, i hv to throw all my stress, worries and mood aside to show my profession. Even how sad u are, how miserable u are, u can't show it out. Never involve personal emotion in work. When comes to real reality, dats where i suffer in the dark. When i had hard time at work, i can't confide anyone. I hv to bottom it down. At times i felt very upset, only place to vent it out is toilet. Juz cry it out. During gathering time wif frenz, they will talk abt their careers and their progress. Me, wat can i say? To avoid it, i will make an excuse to go toilet or go take a drink from the kitchen. This is 1 thing i dread to talk abt. It not i didn't wanna to involve in gathering sometimes but by hearing what others do compare to own self, i juz feel like a failure. I dunno wats my achievement. I always tell myself, others can look down on u but not urself Dawn. But, i find looking down at myself gradually. It kinda irony to hv such double lives, double identities isn't it? The switching of identities sometimes confuse me. Am i Dawn now or the real me? Both are the same to be specific juz dat 1 has to talk abt sex and luv sex and the latter, phobia of sex.

Sometimes i think, should i not work daily or just work alternative days. But i different from others. I cant stop working. I can rest a day or 2 but not frequently. It kinda contradicting to work daily but feel emotional drained or work alternative days but feel balance. I think i hv to plan my timing accordingly to prevent me from thinking too much and emotional drained. Due to dat, i often fall sick cos i lack of rest. Maybe dats me, think too much. Putting a high expectation but feel all stress up. I wish i can slow down my pace so i won't feel this bad.

That's why some ladies will be robotic and dead fish. And bros will complain. But sis you often put in the effort(not my personal experience haha but your fr justified it), even if it is like a routine for you. But do remember to look out on your health, don't let your body break down after you have cleared your debt.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Originally Posted by Princessica

Haha, it Mon and i guess most of u hv already returned back to work after a week of slacking, eating and drinking. Back to life, back to reality. Too bad the chicken soup were all swimming inside my tummy haha, can't share wif u :P

Family blood are thicker den water. Might fight, quarrel but end of day, stil family.

The long cny break is a double edge sword. 先甜后苦. Haha so sad no chicken soupnto drink.
Hmm..good and deep point. Can always rely on them no matter what.