Quote:
Originally Posted by bllocllo
Looking for advice..
A brief background about my wife and I.. we are in our mid-30s and we've been married for a few years and already have kids. We enjoys sex and is quite open in bed, but we have not done anything too wild. Sometimes when we make love, we'd roleplay and imagine scenarios where she's fucked by ex, friends, colleagues or daily encounters, and those fantasies spiced up our sessions. The thought of other men having a go at her made both of us extra high when we fucked although at the end she would thinks it is weird.. we also bought a few sex toys to spice up..
so in the recent few weeks we went by without having sex due to catching covid, kids getting sick, busy getting ready for the kids and time flies by.. we did try to initiate a few times but it was feeling really weird and we just went on to sleep after that.. any advice how to get us started again or options that we can try or get wild?
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It is a common problem. I have seen 10s of married couples struggle with this. After the kids arrive, both parents are too busy tending to the kids till they forget to connect. Usually the wife lose interest. So you are not alone.
I feel that "waiting" for sex to happen is like waiting for a shooting star. It will never happen. So the answer is not to wait; it cannot be left to mood. Or for either to initiate, randomly. It has to be "engineered". With a purpose and an action plan.
For me, I devised a solution. Every week, I set aside a day to date my wife. Get out of the house. Dump the kids at home. Get a parent to help look after them for a few hours.
Then we are off to do the things we want to do, as a couple. Watch a movie etc. My wife does not mind drinks, so we hang out at pubs. Just the two of us. Chatting.
At first it can be uncomfortable. And boring. So I spice things up by getting her to dress up sexy. No bra. Can see her pokies. Week after week, her clothes got thinner. Then it evolved to a state where I bought and chose her clothes. That's when it got wicked.
After a nite out, we would go home and have sex. It makes sense because by that time, I had become very aroused by sights of her pokies, and by the number of stares she got from random men.
This way, I get sex once a week. There is no "begging" on my part. It is not left to mood or chance. Good enough for me. I have been doing this for >10 years by now. She knows the routine. Friday nite. Go out. Come home. Have sex.
Sometimes, I vary it a bit. Sex outdoors instead of at home. Often, her clothes got real thin to really spice it up. To a point it is shocking. That's the fun bit