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I was in a similar friendship crisis situation like you over 20 years ago. Let me tell you about male friendships in Singapore. Never had female platonic friendship (So, cannot comment on that).
Mine was not from poly but from work and it wasn't about going to KTV. Had also some from secondary school days. From what I learnt from mine and yours. These type of friends are "fair weather friends".
They WILL drop you at any sign of inconvenience. Hence, I NEVER contacted any of them for almost 20 years and ignored /block any sign of their initiative (FB friend requests, Whatsapp, etc).
Generally, they just being "Kaypoh" / trying to sell you something. These people are simply a waste of your time and time is a non renewable resource.
Usually the causes of excommunication are:
1) Either you're with them or you're out
2) Cannot be bothered with your problems
3) Different social status
4) Perceived as the bottom of the hierarchy within the group
From what I read from your words. It seems you'r 1, 4 or both. Unfortunately , that's how human relations are. You can't change their perception but you can definitely change yourself.
Keep in mind, while all of you are still young. I assume you all are like what? 30+? Consuming copious amount of alcohol may result in:
1) Alcoholic Hepatitis
2) Fatty Liver Disease
3) Alcohol poisoning
4) Hand tremors
5) Malnutrition
6) Death in some cases
I suggest you hang in there, till you find more reciprocated friendship. It's better to be alone at times than surrounded by people who never have any regards for others besides themselves. Bear in mind, most people are like that in this country. And friendship like any other human relations need all parties involved to put in GENUNINE effort and time
Thank you.
I am definitely (2) and (4). They definitely can't be bothered with my problems.
I am definitely (2) and (4). They definitely can't be bothered with my problems.
Then you are not a friend but just a "thing" to them. Like an emotional hooker where they use you when they need something and discard you when your services are not needed. In this case you are worse as hooker at least, get paid. You get paid with the prevelige of being in their prescence. You either accept it for the emotional whore that you are or you tell them to fuck off in their face and break all contact with them. Choice is yours.
Re: I stopped going to KTV for 5 months and end up losing contact with all my friends
Quote:
Originally Posted by y238992
I had a very good group of core friends that I know since poly. They introduce me to KTV. I did not like to go KTV at first but after getting stressed and bullied in the working world, I became addicted to KTV..maybe we went once every 2 to 3 months, though got a short period of time we went almost every month.
....
Since then, I became total male loner. I tried joining meet-up groups for hiking and book reading clubs but only managed to form passing acquaintances and not genuine friendship. I am heartbroken that my male friendships of over 20 years turned out to be so shallow.
Look at it from their perspective, you know them quite "close" so probably you know their girlfriends/wives. Last time you play in mud together.
Now you are "clean" but they are still playing in the mud. one day you can bao doh them. I think they are afraid of you more than anything.
Anyways, if friendship cannot survive trust, then no point holding. Go make new friends.
Re: I stopped going to KTV for 5 months and end up losing contact with all my friends
Quote:
Originally Posted by y238992
I had a very good group of core friends that I know since poly. They introduce me to KTV. I did not like to go KTV at first but after getting stressed and bullied in the working world, I became addicted to KTV..maybe we went once every 2 to 3 months, though got a short period of time we went almost every month.
However, 5 months ago, I cut the habit as I wanted to change my life. I also did not like being made fun of during KTV sessions, they like to make fun of my lack of love life or work problems. Got one guy, someone i consider a close friend also like to secretly take photos too. They invited me since but I (very, very politely) said no.. since then, they stopped contacting me, not even for a meal out.... Since then, I realised that they are more willing to communicate with each other than with me, as I still keep in touch with one of them.
Since then, I became total male loner. I tried joining meet-up groups for hiking and book reading clubs but only managed to form passing acquaintances and not genuine friendship. I am heartbroken that my male friendships of over 20 years turned out to be so shallow.
All your friends are so shallow. Please treat yourself better because you deserve better.
01-01-2025, 10:24 PM
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